i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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