I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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