i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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