I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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