...so i touched it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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