I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
