so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
