At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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