Little spoons don't ask big questions
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sarcasm needs its own font
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
