I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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