you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
