do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
