were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
