a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
