Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
