operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
