I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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