yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
