just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
