They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
