i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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