Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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