WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
