you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You did what with his pubic hair?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
