Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
