Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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