I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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