You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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