I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
