This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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