its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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