I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
