I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
