he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
