moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
