I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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