I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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