mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
