I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
