lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
