You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
