I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
whose parrot is this?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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