im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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