Someone shit on the floor
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
