Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
