he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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