I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
