You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
