if only i could text you this smell
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
