Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
