my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
