i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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