I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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