My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
